If companies had realistic slogans, what would they be?

We recently came across a funny thread on a Reddit forum

It asked the question: If companies had realistic slogans, what would they be?

Here we reproduce (with acknowledgement and thanks to the original contributors) some of the best suggestions.

1 800 Flowers

The cheapest way to say you remembered your anniversary an hour ago.


An update is available.


air canada logoAir Canada
We’re not happy till you’re not happy


aol logoAOL
Still here


No corners thanks




For when you’re too lazy to prepare your own frozen food



Using all your processing power so you can’t run viruses!


Smell like a sixth-grader.


barnes and noble logo Barnes & Noble

We Don’t Have it but We Can Order It, But So Can You, Online and Cheaper.


Beats by Dre

Buy These $20 Headphones for $200 Dollars Because You Make Less Than $20K a Year But Spend Half of It on Crap You Don’t Needbeats by dre

Buy these overpriced headphones because athletes wear them


best buy logoBest Buy

Here to serve you because you don’t know how to use Amazon

Not the best buy

See it in person before you buy it on amazon



Because you have no other choice.

We really just don’t care about you.

Rewarding loyal customers with ever-increasing rates since 1963.


delta logoDELTA

Don’t Expect Luggage To Arrive



facebook logo

Privacy is overrated.

We know more about you than you do



We also know more about you than you do


haagen dazs


Get up, hike up those sweatpants, and go buy more.

hot pockets

Hot Pockets

A different temperature every bite


Internet Explorerinternet explorer

Your number 1 browser for downloading other browsers




Hey bro, update me. Bro. Bro! (Just fucking with you, everything’s up to date.)



lexus logo

A Toyota that will get you laid.



Please don’t uninstall

I accidentally overlooked a checkbox on a program I was installing a couple months ago, and now I have this shit. Ugh.

nike logo



Just buy it


Norton Antivirus

Good luck trying to uninstallnorton antivirus

We actually are the virus.

The “anti-virus” virus.


pandora internet radioPandora Internet Radio

More ads and less music with every update!



Why pay less when you can pay more.



Stupid crap for morons



Just a little of that condiment you say?… okay here’s a gallon of it.

subway fast food

Tricking you into high calorie meals for years.



We may not be #1, but we’re up there.


united airlines logoUnited Airlines

You’ll wish you would have walked.


walmart logo


Home of 53 checkouts with only 3 open!



I’m sure you’ll pay for me, someday.



We’re not sure what motorcycles and saxophones have to do with each other either.yamaha logo


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