guinnes is good for you

We recently came across a funny thread on a Reddit forum

It asked the question: If companies had realistic slogans, what would they be?

Here we reproduce (with acknowledgement and thanks to the original contributors) some of the best suggestions.

1 800 Flowers

The cheapest way to say you remembered your anniversary an hour ago.

 

adobeAdobe
An update is available.

 

air canada logoAir Canada
We’re not happy till you’re not happy

 

aol logoAOL
Still here

 

Apple
No corners thanks

 

applebees

Applebee’s

For when you’re too lazy to prepare your own frozen food

 

AVGavg

Using all your processing power so you can’t run viruses!

 

Axe
Smell like a sixth-grader.

 

barnes and noble logo Barnes & Noble

We Don’t Have it but We Can Order It, But So Can You, Online and Cheaper.

 

Beats by Dre

Buy These $20 Headphones for $200 Dollars Because You Make Less Than $20K a Year But Spend Half of It on Crap You Don’t Needbeats by dre

Buy these overpriced headphones because athletes wear them

 

best buy logoBest Buy

Here to serve you because you don’t know how to use Amazon

Not the best buy

See it in person before you buy it on amazon

 

comcastComcast

Because you have no other choice.

We really just don’t care about you.

Rewarding loyal customers with ever-increasing rates since 1963.

 

delta logoDELTA

Don’t Expect Luggage To Arrive

 

Facebook

facebook logo

Privacy is overrated.

We know more about you than you do

 

Google

We also know more about you than you do

 

haagen dazs

Häagen-Dazs

Get up, hike up those sweatpants, and go buy more.

hot pockets

Hot Pockets

A different temperature every bite

 

Internet Explorerinternet explorer

Your number 1 browser for downloading other browsers

 

Java

java

Hey bro, update me. Bro. Bro! (Just fucking with you, everything’s up to date.)

 

Lexus

lexus logo

A Toyota that will get you laid.

 

McAfee

Please don’t uninstall

I accidentally overlooked a checkbox on a program I was installing a couple months ago, and now I have this shit. Ugh.

nike logo

 

Nike

Just buy it

 

Norton Antivirus

Good luck trying to uninstallnorton antivirus

We actually are the virus.

The “anti-virus” virus.

 

pandora internet radioPandora Internet Radio

More ads and less music with every update!

 

Radioshackradioshack 

Why pay less when you can pay more.

 

Reddit

Stupid crap for morons

 

Subway

Just a little of that condiment you say?… okay here’s a gallon of it.

subway fast food

Tricking you into high calorie meals for years.

 

TAMPAX

We may not be #1, but we’re up there.

 

united airlines logoUnited Airlines

You’ll wish you would have walked.

 

walmart logo

Walmart

Home of 53 checkouts with only 3 open!

 

WinRarwinrar

I’m sure you’ll pay for me, someday.

 

Yamaha 

We’re not sure what motorcycles and saxophones have to do with each other either.yamaha logo

 

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