We recently came across a funny thread on a Reddit forum
It asked the question: If companies had realistic slogans, what would they be?
Here we reproduce (with acknowledgement and thanks to the original contributors) some of the best suggestions.
1 800 Flowers
The cheapest way to say you remembered your anniversary an hour ago.
An update is available.
We’re not happy till you’re not happy
No corners thanks
For when you’re too lazy to prepare your own frozen food
Using all your processing power so you can’t run viruses!
Smell like a sixth-grader.
Barnes & Noble
We Don’t Have it but We Can Order It, But So Can You, Online and Cheaper.
Beats by Dre
Buy These $20 Headphones for $200 Dollars Because You Make Less Than $20K a Year But Spend Half of It on Crap You Don’t Need
Buy these overpriced headphones because athletes wear them
Here to serve you because you don’t know how to use Amazon
Not the best buy
See it in person before you buy it on amazon
Because you have no other choice.
We really just don’t care about you.
Rewarding loyal customers with ever-increasing rates since 1963.
Don’t Expect Luggage To Arrive
Privacy is overrated.
We know more about you than you do
We also know more about you than you do
Get up, hike up those sweatpants, and go buy more.
A different temperature every bite
Your number 1 browser for downloading other browsers
Hey bro, update me. Bro. Bro! (Just fucking with you, everything’s up to date.)
A Toyota that will get you laid.
Please don’t uninstall
I accidentally overlooked a checkbox on a program I was installing a couple months ago, and now I have this shit. Ugh.
Just buy it
Good luck trying to uninstall
We actually are the virus.
The “anti-virus” virus.
Pandora Internet Radio
More ads and less music with every update!
Why pay less when you can pay more.
Stupid crap for morons
Just a little of that condiment you say?… okay here’s a gallon of it.
Tricking you into high calorie meals for years.
We may not be #1, but we’re up there.
You’ll wish you would have walked.
Home of 53 checkouts with only 3 open!
I’m sure you’ll pay for me, someday.
We’re not sure what motorcycles and saxophones have to do with each other either.