If companies had realistic slogans, what would they be?
We recently came across a funny thread on a Reddit forum
It asked the question: If companies had realistic slogans, what would they be?
Here we reproduce (with acknowledgement and thanks to the original contributors) some of the best suggestions.
1 800 Flowers
The cheapest way to say you remembered your anniversary an hour ago.
Adobe
An update is available.
Air Canada
We’re not happy till you’re not happy
AOL
Still here
Apple
No corners thanks
Applebee’s
For when you’re too lazy to prepare your own frozen food
AVG
Using all your processing power so you can’t run viruses!
Axe
Smell like a sixth-grader.
Barnes & Noble
We Don’t Have it but We Can Order It, But So Can You, Online and Cheaper.
Beats by Dre
Buy These $20 Headphones for $200 Dollars Because You Make Less Than $20K a Year But Spend Half of It on Crap You Don’t Need
Buy these overpriced headphones because athletes wear them
Best Buy
Here to serve you because you don’t know how to use Amazon
Not the best buy
See it in person before you buy it on amazon
Comcast
Because you have no other choice.
We really just don’t care about you.
Rewarding loyal customers with ever-increasing rates since 1963.
DELTA
Don’t Expect Luggage To Arrive
Privacy is overrated.
We know more about you than you do
We also know more about you than you do
Häagen-Dazs
Get up, hike up those sweatpants, and go buy more.
Hot Pockets
A different temperature every bite
Internet Explorer
Your number 1 browser for downloading other browsers
Java
Hey bro, update me. Bro. Bro! (Just fucking with you, everything’s up to date.)
Lexus
A Toyota that will get you laid.
McAfee
Please don’t uninstall
I accidentally overlooked a checkbox on a program I was installing a couple months ago, and now I have this shit. Ugh.
Nike
Just buy it
Norton Antivirus
Good luck trying to uninstall
We actually are the virus.
The “anti-virus” virus.
Pandora Internet Radio
More ads and less music with every update!
Radioshack
Why pay less when you can pay more.
Stupid crap for morons
Subway
Just a little of that condiment you say?… okay here’s a gallon of it.
Tricking you into high calorie meals for years.
TAMPAX
We may not be #1, but we’re up there.
United Airlines
You’ll wish you would have walked.
Walmart
Home of 53 checkouts with only 3 open!
WinRar
I’m sure you’ll pay for me, someday.
Yamaha
We’re not sure what motorcycles and saxophones have to do with each other either.
How about Facebook? It’s more like their slogan would be, “We know more about you than you do”.