If companies had realistic slogans, what would they be?

If companies had realistic slogans, what would they be?

We recently came across a funny thread on a Reddit forum

It asked the question: If companies had realistic slogans, what would they be? Here we reproduce (with acknowledgement and thanks to the original contributors) some of the best suggestions.

flowers logo1 800 Flowers

The cheapest way to say you remembered your anniversary an hour ago.


adobe logoAdobe
An update is available.


air canada logoAir Canada
We’re not happy till you’re not happy


aol logoAOL
Still here


No corners thanks

applebees logo


For when you’re too lazy to prepare your own frozen food


avg logo

Using all your processing power so you can’t run viruses!


Smell like a sixth grader.


barnes and noble logoBarnes & Noble
We Don’t Have it but We Can Order It, But So Can You, Online and Cheaper.



beats logoBeats by Dre
Buy These $20 Headphones for $200 Dollars Because You Make Less Than $20K a Year But Spend Half of It on Crap You Don’t Need

Buy these overpriced headphones because athletes wear them


best buy logoBest Buy
Here to serve you because you don’t know how to use Amazon

Not the best buy

See it in person before you buy it on amazon


comcast logoComcast
Because you have no other choice.

We really just don’t care about you.

Rewarding loyal customers with ever-increasing rates since 1963.


delta logoDELTA
Don’t Expect Luggage To Arrive


facebook logoFacebook
Privacy is overrated.

We know more about you than you do


We also know more about you than you do


Get up, hike up those sweatpants, and go buy more. haagen dazs logo


hot pockets logoHot Pockets
A different temperature every bite


Internet Explorer LogoInternet Explorer
Your number 1 browser for downloading other browsers


java logoJava
Hey bro, update me. Bro. Bro! (Just fucking with you, everything’s up to date.)


lexus logoLexus
A Toyota that will get you laid.


McAfee logoMcAfee
Please don’t uninstall

I accidentally overlooked a checkbox on a program I was installing a couple months ago, and now I have this shit. Ugh.


nike logoNike
Just buy it


nortono antivirus logoNorton Antivirus
Good luck trying to uninstall

We actually are the virus.

The “anti-virus” virus.


pandora logoPandora Internet Radio
More ads and less music with every update!


radioshack logoRadioshack
Why pay less when you can pay more.


reddit logoReddit
Stupid crap for morons


subway logoSubway
Just a little of that condiment you say?… okay here’s a gallon of it.

Tricking you into high calorie meals for years.



We may not be #1, but we’re up there.


united airlines logoUnited Airlines
You’ll wish you would have walked.


walmart logoWalmart
Home of 53 checkouts with only 3 open!


winrar logoWinRar
I’m sure you’ll pay for me, someday.


Yamahayamaha logo We’re not sure what motorcycles and saxophones have to do with each other either.



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1 Comment

  • How about Facebook? It’s more like their slogan would be, “We know more about you than you do”.

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