Brian, the trusty account exec rushed into the room with an “I forgot my pants” look on his face. “Client wants a series of web banners on their new chocolate bunny line … by Thursday.”
The open space echoed with a collective gasp. Heads swung up from a selection of PDAs and phones. The behead-phoned group looked deadly at the scrawny agent of bad news.
A frustrated figure stood up. “That does not fit our design methodologies or scheduling protocols!” The voice of Joe, the intrepid co-lead/designer/associate bristled.
“We have lead times, and huddles and strategy session to get to first… no freakin’ way. You gotta get back to them and let them know we just don’t work like this … it’s not possible.”
The tested account executive pauped back: “Can I remind you that they are the client, they have deadlines too and we must respect that. I know we have no time, but they insisted. They need this now! ”
Jessica the co-lead/designer/associate added to the smerkling embers.
“Why do we have clients like this? We have to get better clients that understand our methodologies and the way we work! … Can we have a brainstorm about this Joe? We are way too good to be treated like this!”
“Eventually yes, I will organize a pow-wow and we can whiteboard it.” Joe exhumed.
‘Team. We need to get on this right now! I sent the brief through the portal you have it now.” Brian reported.
Brian left the group shaking his head and hit the elevator button 7 times.
TWO HOURS LATER.
The quiet environment buzzed with clattering fingers as individuals typed away in a fruznoid of activity and silence. Brian entered the space once more.
“OK, OK. I am seeing all the chatter on BLODGET, can we talk about this now, as a group, face to face … you have the brief, we have a deadline let’s get cracking on some creative.”
Joe swiveled around knocking over a large replica of Darth Vadar.
“We are establishing a methodology to address the nature of the issue … which is actually … timing. Namely, what methodology do we employ to create the materials in a new timescale? This really is not optimal to our normal procedures. Jessica and John are running some analysis on how other firms accommodate such changes and James and I are looking at some cool new technology out of Seattle that could add functionality to the banners. We will scrum later.”
Brian walked into the core of the room and leaned onto a room divider. It shook flabbily as he addressed the team.
“What about a rough idea? A concept? A noodle? A doodle? Anything? We have 20 hours assigned to this and we’ve just blown 12 trying to decide how we deal with … no time!”
Jessica looked at her cell phone, which had just plinged and slowly lifted her head like a tired lioness at the zoo.
“We don’t do quick. We don’t do roughs. We do what we do when we do it!” She continued. “Ideas are unimportant. The delivery system is the key.”
Her head immediately dropped to her cell screen. Texts plinged around the office. Jessica continued: “Back in your fancy agency days you may well have bent over backward to lick their behinds, but not here, not today.”
“We have a contractual obligation to deliver … no matter what. It’s also called professionalism!” Brian sturbidly intoned. He turned and left the office.
John, the lertical junior designer, sporched up and threw a glance at the surrounding team members.
“Let’s meet in Einstein South in one hour.” Joe excleemed. “We can time-line it.”
4 HOURS LATER.
The boardroom was awash with whiteboard and papers playered over the walls like playbills on a lamp post. The team was in deep discussion on a topic.
“So if we all agree that a model to deal with the time constraints can be achieved with a modified process we can achieve a semblance of a ‘deliverable’ by next Monday.” Joe squeemed.
“But not Thursday. AND we’re using the Langworth Model once again to accomplish this?” Jessica plangently opined.
“Agreed. John, can you call Brian … we have a resolution.”
15 minutes meangled by. Brian borst into the room and listened intrenchant to the plan and was gawped by it. His head dongled in dismay.
“So it’s taken you … collectively … 6 or so hours to come up with a plan that can have you … collectively … not doing the work by Thursday. But by Monday? Jesus H Christ.”
“Correct. But it will be worth it.”
Brian was beside himself. “Let’s meet tomorrow first thing AND LOOK AT IDEAS!”
He slammed the door gustrously.
The following morning the team gathered in “Burnett” the main boardroom. Fidgly feet shuffled in silence as Brian and the senior managers gathered around the doojey, mahogany table.
“Well, do we have any progress?” Brian lamstated to Joe and his team.
Joe placed his hands on the table like a jazz bar piano player. “Indeed we do. You will be pleased to know that we’ve identified two whole days that we can unbundle to get the work to them by Friday! It took a while, but the team is together on this and we can get to the banners by then!”
Joe was staunched by his success and the design team beamelled behind him.
“You. Are. F**king. Kidding. Me. Right. ?” Brian was completely boggled.
THREE WEEKS LATER
The company has gathered in the commons area and Jim Plibley the bespectacled CEO is addressing the audience.
“So it is with great sadness that we have to say goodbye to Sedgley Chocolate. We partnered them for many years … but times change and they say they’re looking for something fresh, new and … responsive. So this gives us a great opportunity to bring in exciting new prospects! I know we have lost 4 clients recently. But we still have the where-with-all to be great!”
The room filled with texts and bloops as the news went around.
Jessica looked at her 6G and saw an emoticon smile staring at her. She deftly thumbed back.
About the author: Phil Gayter